


Remember That One Time...?

by CloudMonsta



Series: Cloudy's Headcanon AU Oneshots [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, chapter two AND SUGA GETS HIS REVENGEEEE, daichi is a greasy gassy boyfriend, fart hotboxing, it's literally just like a thousand words of daichi being a greasy gassy lil shit, suga's life is suffering, these dumb boys, u brought this upon urself daichi there's no lookin back now RIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-29
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-04-28 17:13:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5098745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudMonsta/pseuds/CloudMonsta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Outtakes and little bits from my HC oneshots that didn't get to make it into the original oneshots. Each ch will be a new one, so I don't clog up the series. I'll put which fic it's from and a little context in the ch summaries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Care and (Man)Handling of Your Greasy Gassy Daichi

**Author's Note:**

> is this how u put chapter notes? WHO KNOWS lol I'm a oneshot kinda dude  
> ANYWHO:
> 
> Set immediately after Daichi & Co. go from TGI Friday's to pick up the Noya crew at Discovery Zone in Oh No, I Think I Love You. Daichi is a gREASY GASSY BABY he ate like. A whole plate of those fried cheese sticks. Let's be real. There was no other outcome. Suga suffers.

By the time they had gotten to Discovery Zone and talked the manager out of suing Tanaka and Noya, a good hour had passed from when they had left the restaurant.

"You wanna drive?" Suga offered, holding up the keys with raised eyebrows. "I'm kinda tired," he admitted, swallowing back a yawn. It was always a little exhausting trying to keep Daichi from _actually_ tearing their friends apart when they do something stupid. Also calming down Asahi. And trying not to die laughing when Hinata and Kageyama get into a fight about whether Hinata could jump higher than where Tanaka had lifted Noya up… which of course led to Hinata trying to prove him wrong, right then and there. Inside. A. Building.

"Sure," Daichi grinned, taking the keys with a peck to Suga's cheek. "I'm too wound up after scolding those idiots to enjoy the ride anyways."

Suga smiles in amusement and gratitude, and pulls away to walk around to the other side of the truck, hauling himself up into the cab.

Their drive was going quietly, and Suga was just starting to really doze off against the window, when a quiet click pulled him back from the precipice of sleep. He let out a little grumble, and settled himself more firmly against back of his seat, leaning against the door, trying to get back to sleep. He'd been so close, if he could just close his eyes for a few more seconds, he could doze right off…

Another quiet noise creeps back into Suga's consciousness, and he frowns. He was so close again. Just a few seconds more, and… his nose wrinkles. _What_ was _that_?

Suga lifts his head up a bit, his nose scrunching up further as he starts to actually wake up. "Augh," he groans, grimacing, "eugh, it's so _bad_."

Daichi lets out a couple of snickers, and it's then that Suga looks over at him, finding his boyfriend staring resolutely out at the road in front of them, fighting valiantly not to grin. And losing.

"You did _not_ ," Suga gasped, scandalized. And then immediately regretting his previous gasp. "Oh god, it's so _bad_ ," his wheezes, his eyes bugging out.

As Suga scrambles at the door for the automatic window controls, Daichi starts letting out some loud chuckles, unable to contain it anymore.

It's when Suga breathes out a "no," in distantly registering horror that Daichi completely loses it, laughing so hard that a few more farts squeeze out. Which only makes him laugh _harder_.

"YOU H O T B O X E R," Suga shouts, accusing, "you CHILDLOCKED ME IN!!"

At this point Daichi has completely lost it, hunching forward against the steering wheel and laughing so hard that he could feel his eyes welling up with tears. Or was that the smell of bad eggs?

"I am _never_ letting you drive after a full plate of cheese _again_ ," Suga vows, futilely shrinking down into his shirt, as if that would somehow filter the _stench_ that was beginning to settle.

"…otboxer…" Daichi wheezes out between giggles, trying to get control of himself. He manages to sit up, partially getting control of himself again, and wipes a hand beneath his eyes, letting the tears roll. Knowing he couldn't drive while laughing this hard, he flips on the turn signal and starts moving towards the side of the road, with intermittent giggles.

Right as he pulls over, slowing the car to a stop, and before he unlocks the doors, he turns to Suga with the closest thing he can get to a straight face and forces out two words before losing his shit all over again:

"Dank. farts."

"Oooooh, I am _getting_ you for this, Sawamura Daichi!" Suga declares, throwing himself across his laughing boyfriend's laugh in order to flip the childlock switch, kicking the door open.

Standing outside of the car, he's trying to waft the smell out, not wanting it to sink into the vents of the car.

"I am going to _get you_ for this one, Daichi. You have my _word_."

…

When they finally get home, Suga hops out of the car and rushes into the house first, leaving Daichi alone to lock the car and bring in their jackets.

"Suga, c'mon, it was funny," Daichi calls out as he enters their apartment, looking around for his boyfriend.

"I'm sorry, I swear," Daichi says, half laughing, when he spots Suga's back in their living room, putting something on the couch.

"Your resting place for the evening," Suga declares, gesturing to their living room couch, with a blanket and sheet of paper on top of it.

"But Suga," Daichi begins, only to get cut off when he tries to protest.

"Nope."

"Suga c'mon, it wasn't that ba-"

"NOPE," Suga calls, walking towards their bedroom.

"But the couch is lumpy," Daichi tries, only to get the door slammed on his nose.

"You brought this upon yourself!" Suga calls loudly through the door.

"Darn," Daichi mumbled, pouting, and rubbing his nose lightly.

As he walked back into the living room, he picks up the sheet of paper on top of the blanket to see what it was.

On it, was a crudely scribbled gravestone, with "R.I.P. Suga, Daichi's Flatulence" inscribed across its face.

"Oh _c'mon_ , it wasn't that bad!" He huffs, crumpling the paper up into a ball and tossing it into the trash in an even arc. He grumbled a bit as he sat down on the couch, leaning forward to pull his socks off, a belated fart escaping him in the process.

"…ok, maybe it _was_ that bad, WOW," he coughs, waving a hand in front of his face.

Though it stank, Daichi couldn't help but let out a little bit of a grin when he heard Suga yelling out from within the depths of their apartment.

"And don’t forget to open a window! I'm not having the apartment smell like bad eggs and cheese for a week again!"


	2. Episode III: Revenge of the Suga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga enacts his revenge for Daichi's flatulant offense. He warned him HE WARNED HIM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny outtake from chapter one of this outtakes fic, because I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING ABOUT DANK FARTS (also we all know Suga's a mastermind who wouldn't let that slide)

Suga had been planning his revenge for weeks. It was going to be beautiful. He'd even figured out exactly which foods he needed to eat before he and Daichi went on a long drive to visit their parents that weekend. He had it all figured out.

Daichi may have been an accidentally-diabolical-genius pantser, but Suga was a one hundred percent, certifiable, evil mastermind _planner_. And he did, after all, warn Daichi he would get him for that time after Asahi's bachelor party.

So when they were on the drive out and he flipped the window lock on, he had no trouble keeping a straight face when Daichi turned to the side with a questioning "Suga?"

He just smiled politely at his boyfriend, like it ain't no thing, like he wasn't secretly planning his _demise_.

Of course, with plans like this, you have to suffer yourself too. But that was a price Suga was willing to pay.

It was about when Suga was starting to let it out that Daichi began to realize what was about to happen.

"Suga. Suga no." Daichi's face registered the incoming horror that he was about to be subject to. It was when the smell started to seep through that his face truly fell and he began to wail. "SuGA NO. WHY SUGA? WHYYYYYY"

Suga's serene smile didn't leave his face as he glanced over at Daichi, every ounce an avenging angel. "Revenge is best served silent," he chimed, letting loose another set of deadly fumes. While Daichi was easy to gas, and loud and in charge, Suga's were silent killers that struck without warning.

"UNLOCK THE WINDOWS SUGA, THIS IS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT," Daichi shouted, uselessly pressing the window controls, as if he could simply _will_ them to work. When he looked back at Suga, who didn't seem to have moved an inch despite the massive amount of silent farts he had released, Daichi switched to another tactic.

"I thought you loved me," he whispered, pretending to pass out from the fumes, slumping against the side of the door and feigning dead while Suga just dives into diabolical laughter.

"Daichi- Daichi stop- I'm laughing so hard I'm going to cry," Suga choked out, shoulders shaking with his laughter as he tries to wipe his eyes, the tears blurring his view of the road.

"Good, pull over aND LET ME – get out of this car – DRIVE." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hella lazy and tenses probably switch like hell OH WELL


End file.
